so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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