Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
