no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This baby is an asshole
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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