I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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