I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
