He had one of those small greek statue penises
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
