Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
