that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
