I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
