You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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