I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
