Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
