please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
