also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
