Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
