I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
