Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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