I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
