The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
