its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
