I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
