Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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