One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
