my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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