I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
