When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
