I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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