I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
