So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
