just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
