He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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