Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
