Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
