I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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