I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
