So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
