Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
