Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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