He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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