I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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