forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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