the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
