Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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