Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
