My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
cat food counts as protein by the way
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
