I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
