You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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