God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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