they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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