I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
