too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my poor anus
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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