Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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