so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
