Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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