we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
