he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
