the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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