Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
