Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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