never play flip cup with pint glasses
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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