Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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