I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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