Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.