he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.