Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......