just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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