she woke up with a sticky ear
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
