he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
