there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
