dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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