waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
