dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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