ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
